I don’t know

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

Like fragile branches we cling

To each other, to hope, to whatever is

This satin thread that binds you to me

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

Sometimes love drips from your lips

As lucid as milk, as sweet as honey.

Other times, these walls we hide behind muffle our ache to be loved.

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

So I carefully pick out love out of every syllable I speak,

Every string of words, a devoid of my emotions

And gently these woven lies, I lay at your feet.

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

Except that you hold me in the womb of the darkest nights.

But when the first rays of the sun turns our skin golden for all to see

We run away, to hide behind our grey skies.

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

Whether this boat we sail on is half-sunken or afloat.

Are naked words dipped in love to be conceived with open arms yet?

Or do we laugh nervously as soon as we spot them close?

I don’t know what we are, my dearest

And perhaps, I’ll never know

But as long as mine is the name you take ever so gently

And yours is the hand I long to hold

We’ll be all that I need us to be, all that I need love to be.

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Drown.

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I sit still, in the womb of a dark night

Staring at the sky, at the nothingness around

The cold wind that touches, but never stays

My thoughts like it, running free and wild

 

I struggle to hold them, in the palm of my hand

Picking each with tenderness, one at a time

Wrap it around my mind, like a mask of burlap

 

But none of my thoughts stay,

Just like people, just like love,

Just like everything good I have ever known.

 

So instead of running away, this time I’ll strech my arms wide

Swim into this oblivion

Of questions unanswerable, of answers unexplainable

 

Sinking deeper and deeper, thoughts below me and above

In depths of myself I have never been in

With burning eyes, shaking arms, lungs on fire.

 

And I’m drowining in my ocean of thoughts,

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe

 

But never have I felt more alive

Than in the blood stained hands of my restless thoughts.

So forgive me, if I drown tonight

I only did it to feel alive.

 

To the one who left early

The words that flow on these pages
Are tears my eyes can no longer carry
There is an empty space where you once lived
A scar on my spotless mind
And my words, desperately try to bring you back to life
But you are gone
And your scent is no longer found in the house where you smiled and bloomed
Your touch is no longer felt on this skin, which you held so tenderly everytime my small world fell apart
Your voice is no longer heard, except on the ruthless nights where I dream you singing me to sleep

And then some day, I’ll wake up to the beating of your heart
And the sun will colour face in all the bright colours
And you will be warm again, unlike the last time I touched you.
And this time, life will give you another chance
It will braid your brown hair with love
It will kiss you with children of your own
And it will draw wrinkles on your face.
And with time, with love, put you to sleep

 

But then this dream ends, and I wake up to the nightmare.
Where you are gone. Gone, before you should have. Gone, before you could watch me grow. Gone, like the hope left in me.

Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns

ATSS extract, seeing and feeling

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,
Or the thousand splendid suns that hid behind her walls”
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Looking back on my journey as a reader, I never believed I would have a ‘favourite’ book. All books were amazing, every story was a new imprint on my soul. But this particular book, is my entire soul. It is tragically beautiful how we attach ourselves to characters that are made in a country that doesn’t belong to you, in a nation that doesn’t know your identity; and yet you shed tears, you shed tears for their pain, you smile in their joys and you ache in their sorrows. Because humanity is the only religion there is, and no barriers us humans can create will ever, ever shatter that wall of love. A Thousand Splendid Suns is not just the story about the war-ridden Afghanistan. It is the story of finding love amidst the shattering houses, the sacrifices between the bombings and about a land where death is more alive than people. It is a reflection of the world that is completely opposite from our own. Where the blood of your loved ones, paints the streets and yet, you live. You live and try to find hope in a nation where death is more alive than people, you live sacrificing everything. A tale of beauty, sacrifice and an unfathomable bond, this book clings to your heart like no other.

No words can put together how important this book and Afghanistan is to me. I believe I’ll find pieces of myself on the streets of Kabul, in the kolba of Herat, between the pages of the Quran, on the cold winters and the scorching heat. I will find myself in the collapsing walls, in the eyes of the people who lost everything to war. And until I go to find my soul, until I find myself in the streets of that broken country, I will find myself between the pages of this book that weaves tales that I have strung my life to. Tashakor, Hosseni. .

Where you should be

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I find you everywhere-

in my heart, your home for eternity

in my poems, each syllable your gift

in my stories, all laced with your memories

in my mornings, coffee the colour of your eyes

in my smiles, that curl like your morning hair

in the sunshine, that played across that scar on your left cheek

in my soul, where you have now made a home.

I find you everywhere, I find you anywhere

Everywhere and anywhere, but never beside me

Never where I should find you

Never where you should be.

 

 

 

 

Seas and Hurricanes

cropped-person_shadow_black_degradation_26274_1920x1200.jpgAnd when the broken pieces of you and I collide

the world will see this beautiful mosaic,

shattered, yet colourful

scarred, yet painted perfection.

 

You will then hold me like I am all your hopes

and I will look at you like you are all the dreams my head wove for me.

We’ll hold forever in our palms, pressed tightly against each other,

like the dried rose between our favorite pages.

 

I will write poems between your cuts of the past

and you will paint my heart in between the holes with the brightest colours we see.

 

Together, we’ll be a broken piece of art and when the world talks about contradictions, they’ll talk about you and me.

 

For when you sing into my ears, with your honey laced voice, love breathing in every word,

all the noisy shrieks of yesteryear fade away, they dissolve into your sweetness.

For when you melt into my arms, your soul broken into a thousand questions,

I will answer all of you.

 

I will dress you with my words as long as you need to be hidden between them. And when you shine brighter than the sun itself, I won’t shield away. No honey, I’ll burn my eyes to watch you.

 

I will love you when you drown in the calmness of the sea,

and I will love you the same when you dance in the hurricane.